So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
