girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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