well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
