It's Friday. Sex?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
