I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
