don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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