The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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