I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
