I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize