i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
