Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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