I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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