I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
