why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
