We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
