the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
