fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
My dick has a subreddit
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
