While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
