How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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