You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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