IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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