what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
