even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
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