A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I deserve this hangover.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
