Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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