HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
