I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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