If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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