If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Randomize