I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Randomize
