I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
