Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
