i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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