Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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