Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
