does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
