I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize