I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
