I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
