Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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