TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
