I'm lost and stupid without you.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
