my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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