why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize