Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
