I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize