Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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