We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
