that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
