tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
