rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
