ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
