he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
