Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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