what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
