Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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