Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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