I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
