she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
