He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
