God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
