I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
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