"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
We need to get me chipped asap
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
