He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Your penis caused this!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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