I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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