i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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