slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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