so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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