we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
