I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
