You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
