Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
