why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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