You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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