so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
