i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
