we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
