I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Too much gin, very little bucket
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
