im six kinds of drunk right now
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
