actually, I'm a sock model
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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