I bet he comes in French.
Your dad touched me again.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Randomize
